One of the quickest ways to get to know someone on a deeper level is to meet their friends.  As the saying goes, “you don’t get to choose your family but you do get to choose your friends.”

As a business success coach one of the biggest obstacles to small business success or personal success, for that matter, are the friends my clients choose.  Whether you are a self-employed business owner, entrepreneur or solo professional your business and who it attracts, at least in the early stages is all about you.

Friends—Who Are You Attracting?

Whether you are starting your own business or running a small business tips the force of the character and personality of the business owner stands out.  Obviously this can work either to your benefit or against you.  Either way, you are a work in progress.  And, you have a choice.  You can either choose to improve “you” or you can remain the same.

To have the small business success and growth you seek remaining the same is not an option.  You may be on the right track but if you are standing still you will get run over.  Who you attract into your life to a large extent depends on who you are.  Your friends are a reflection of you and where you are at.

When it comes to friends the first step is to look at who you are attracting.

Friends—What Are They Doing To You?

Most of the time, in my personal business coaching practice, my clients can tell me what their friends do for them.  That’s easy. Here’s the more difficult question.  What are your friends doing to you?

When you are with and immediately after you have been with one of your friends ask yourself how you feel.  Don’t try to use logic to defend a relationship.  Be honest about how you feel.  Are you better for the experience?  If not, it’s time, whenever possible,  to either limit or delete the relationship.

Friends—Are They Lifting You Up?

That’s right.  Good friends and personal associations will lift you up.  You have goals and dreams.  If the people close to you are dragging you down, then it may be time to make some changes.

History is full of stories of individuals who became highly successful after they brought the right people into their lives.  If you have a goal or dream to become a successful small business owner then go for it.

But, if your friends don’t believe you can become a successful small business owner then you do have to do something about it.  Yes, your life is your choice.  Choices have consequences.  You can keep people and friends around you who are taking you away from your dreams or you can change them.

Once again, your life is your choice.  If your friends aren’t working for you go out and find some new friends.

Life’s too long to spend it with people who pull you in the wrong direction.  And it’s too short not to invest in others.  Your relationships and your friends will define you.  And they will influence your talent—one way or the other.

Success in business and life is about the journey.  What is the journey?  First of all it is about our health.  Most of the time people focus on physical health and ignore or downplay their mental health.

To experience small business success and the life you desire you must be aware of the state of your mental health.  Most of us know inspirational stories of people who succeeded against overwhelming odds.

Mental Health Keys

What was their key to success?  There were a couple of things.  First, they understood that the quality of their lives seldom exceeds their personal development.

Secondly, because they were involved in personal development, they were always doing something positive which encouraged good mental health.  Their minds became a highly developed muscle that carried them past their physical limitations to success.  Helen Keller is one that comes immediately to mind.  She was deaf and blind.  Dr. Stephen Hawking, the renowned physicist is another.

Mental Health vs. Physical Health

Now let’s look at the other side.  How many inspirational stories do you know of where someone succeeded and overcame great challenges yet had poor mental health and excellent physical health?  I can’t think of any at the moment.

It was once said that what the mind can conceive and believe it can achieve.  Yes, your mental health is the key to growth and satisfaction.

How do you achieve good mental health?  There are many ways.  Some of the more obvious include associating with positive people, affirming ourselves with our self-talk in a positive manner, participating in things that bring us satisfaction and enjoyment and avoiding negative media.

You become what you think about most.  What are you thinking about?   All of us sail the same stormy seas of life.  Whether you are a self-employed business owner, entrepreneur or solo professional the challenges of running a small business can create waves that can come crashing over us may, at times, seem insurmountable.

Physical health is important to success.  Yet, if you don’t have the mental health even if you are healthy physically, you will hold yourself back.

Mental Health—Conceive Victory and See Yourself Winning

How do you sail through the huge waves that are trying to knock you off course?  Begin with your mind.

Conceive your picture of success or victory.  As a personal business coach I ask all my clients to get a clear picture of what success looks like for them not just for today but for five or ten years from now.

Get a clear picture in your mind of what success in the future will look like.  Once the future is finished in your mind, what you need to do in the present becomes absolutely clear.

Start believing that you will achieve it.  Small business growth and small business success as well as personal growth and success are engines that are run on the steam of belief.

Mental Health—Surround Yourself With Positive People

Another important point is that you must surround yourself with positive people.  Also, positive self-talk to create an expectation of success is a must.  And, watch good TV or read good books.  Put up in your home or business pictures of what you want success and happiness to look like. Remember your mind is a muscle.  It will work as well as what you feed it.

Now you are ready to achieve success.  You have been working out your mind muscle and it is ready to take you to new places.

Here’s the best part.  Embrace your mental health.  It will lift your self-esteem while creating a positive and very real expectation of success.  Others will pick up on this.  You will attract the right people.  When you do, they will be able to lift you and help you to realize and accomplish your picture of success.

Good mental health is the key to happiness and success in business and life.  Remember, what the mind can conceive and believe it can achieve.  Conceive good things and believe they will come.  That’s practicing good mental health.

Character is a creative endeavor.  You do have a choice when it comes to character.  It is somewhat like an artist creating a sculpture.  In my opinion, as a personal development coach, character is not something that just happens by itself.  A chisel cannot create a work of art without the hand of an artist guiding it.

You Are The Artist Of Your Character

You create your character by making a conscious decision for a specific outcome.  Then you make choices.  You make hundreds and hundreds of choices.  Your choices are like the brush strokes of an artist.  And your choices will turn you gradually into who you are, at any given moment and who you want to be.

If you don’t engage in the decision making process, you will still be somebody.  You will still be alive, but may have a personality rather than character.

The Essence of Character

Character is not something you were born with and can’t change, like your fingerprints.  In fact, because you weren’t born with it, it is something that you must take responsibility for creating.

Self-employed business owners, successful entrepreneur, solo professionals and individuals interested in creating a better business, life or both understand that the foundation for future success rests on their character.  Small business success and small business growth depend upon it.

In my opinion, character isn’t necessarily built by adversity.  Nor is it eroded by success.  Whether you are running a small business, starting up your own business or work for a company your character is built by how you respond to what happens in your life.

Rich or poor, winning or losing, easy times or hard times….you build character out of certain qualities you must create and diligently nurture within yourself.

Character—It Is Your Legacy

To me, here’s one of the most interesting aspects of character.  If you are sincerely committed to making yourself into the person you want to be, you’ll not only create those qualities, but you’ll continually strengthen them.

Jim Rohn says this about character. “Character sustains itself and nurtures itself even as it is being put to work, tested and challenged.  And, once character is formed, it will serve as a solid, lasting foundation upon which to build the life you desire.”

Your legacy is your character.  Your life is a self-portrait.  Autograph it with excellence.  Excellence in character is what others will remember now and in the future after you have passed their way.

Blog Source – http://thehoustonbusinesscoach.com/blog/

Now let’s look at the other side.  How many inspirational stories do you know of where someone succeeded and overcame great challenges yet had poor mental health and excellent physical health?  I can’t think of any at the moment.

It was once said that what the mind can conceive and believe it can achieve.  Yes, your mental health is the key to growth and satisfaction.

How do you achieve good mental health?  There are many ways.  Some of the more obvious include associating with positive people, affirming ourselves with our self-talk in a positive manner, participating in things that bring us satisfaction and enjoyment and avoiding negative media.

You become what you think about most.  What are you thinking about?   All of us sail the same stormy seas of life.  Whether you are a self-employed business owner, entrepreneur or solo professional the challenges of running a small business can create waves that can come crashing over us may, at times, seem insurmountable.

Physical health is important to success.  Yet, if you don’t have the mental health even if you are healthy physically, you will hold yourself back.Mental Health—Conceive Victory and See Yourself Winning. How do you sail through the huge waves that are trying to knock you off course?  Begin with your mind.

Conceive your picture of success or victory.  As a personal business coach I ask all my clients to get a clear picture of what success looks like for them not just for today but for five or ten years from now.

Get a clear picture in your mind of what success in the future will look like.  Once the future is finished in your mind, what you need to do in the present becomes absolutely clear.

Start believing that you will achieve it.  Small business growth and small business success as well as personal growth and success are engines that are run on the steam of belief.

Mental Health—Surround Yourself With Positive People

Another important point is that you must surround yourself with positive people.  Also, positive self-talk to create an expectation of success is a must.  And, watch good TV or read good books.  Put up in your home or business pictures of what you want success and happiness to look like. Remember your mind is a muscle.  It will work as well as what you feed it.

Now you are ready to achieve business success guide.  You have been working out your mind muscle and it is ready to take you to new places.

Here’s the best part.  Embrace your mental health.  It will lift your self-esteem while creating a positive and very real expectation of success.  Others will pick up on this.  You will attract the right people.  When you do, they will be able to lift you and help you to realize and accomplish your picture of success.

Good mental health is the key to happiness and success in business and life.  Remember, what the mind can conceive and believe it can achieve.  Conceive good things and believe they will come.  That’s practicing good mental health.

Vacation makes you an observer because it forces you to step outside your normal routine.  If you are seeking greater personal or small business growth then take the vacation break.

Just as a muscle cannot develop when it is always worked, neither can you have the personal development and small business success that you seek unless you get away and become an observer.

Being a business performance coach is similar in many ways to being an athletic coach.  You engage in routines that will build performance.  You tweak them.  And at some point you rest.  Then at some point you take an extended break.  Look at your top athletes and all of them take an extended break.  It is called the off season.

During the off season they stay in shape but they do something more important.  They study films and look for ways to improve their techniques and performance.  They become observers.

Vacation Is The Rest That Strengthens You

A muscle needs a break and rest in order to grow and develop.  And the small business owner, whether you are running a small business or starting your own business needs to schedule, needs to take a break and rest in order for him and his business to grow.

Even in nature, virtually nothing grows all the time.  There are times where plants and animals take a break from growth.  Only when you take a break can you grow.  Unlike the plants and animals which have no choice, we as human beings have been given the dignity of choice.

We can choose an extended rest or not.  Choose a vacation and you will increase the odds of your personal growth and small business growth.

Vacation—A Change In Attitude

As a small business coach one of the most important benefits from a vacation can be a change in attitude.  This becomes apparent when the self-employed business owner returns.

Vacation allows you to heal up.  You become very sensitive to pain.  The nice calmness that vacation brings over you can turn to turbulence very quickly.

And with this increased sensitivity it is easier to see where changes need to be made.  When we are in the middle it is harder for us to see and act.  I have observed that some of the greatest progress in small business occurs when the owner returns from vacation.

Where there was tolerance of things that weren’t quite right or processes that were irritating, vacation and the clear perspective it brings creates the impetus for positive action.

After all, you are feeling good and calm after vacation and you want to retain that feeling as long as you can.  You can more clearly see what is getting in your way and creating turbulence and discord.  Your attitude becomes one of eliminating the discord.

This is called progress.  Taking a vacation is about progress and key to success.  Take a vacation and become an observer.  Take a vacation and have the rest to build strength.  And, take a vacation have the attitude on your return to make changes to improve your business and life.

When I am with clients as a business performance coach one of the things I want them to do is take a vacation.  Although most people would think it is a simple decision to take a vacation, it is not that easy for the self-employed business owner, entrepreneur or solo professional.  And for my clients with larger companies, at times, because of corporate demands taking a vacation can be a challenge.

Vacation Is A Discipline

A discipline is the bridge between a thought and an action.  You think about many things.  Many self-employed business owners think about vacation but never take one.  What is holding them back?

Yes, there can be many things and I understand that.  But, in many instances taking a vacation is about overcoming a challenge in their thinking.

The first challenge is; do they have the discipline to break their routine?  They can have the thought about a vacation.  The question is:  Are they going to create the discipline to make it a reality?

Business performance coaching is about taking care of the most important asset, you.  That takes discipline.  If you understand the value of vacation you will put the things in place, the disciplines, to make it happen.

Vacation Is About Courage

Taking a vacation takes courage.  It is challenging you to step away from your normal routine.  Running a small business key to success is a huge challenge.  It takes courage to trust others to handle your business while you are gone.  Have the courage to take care of yourself.  Take a vacation.

This last one, taking care of yourself, can be the most frightening.  As a small business coach, I find that one of the biggest challenges for the business owner is that he or she, in running a small business has forgotten how to play.  With the right approach, small business success can be about playing your way to success.

If you have lost your vision of what is or can be fun, you will shy away from vacation.  I cannot emphasize how important it is to know how to have fun.  Knowing how to have fun or rediscovering it on vacation will have a positive influence in your business and your life.

Take a vacation.  Have the courage to face yourself and discover what is fun and what will renew you.  To start create a vision of what you would like your vacation to look like.  This is the courageous first step.

Vacation Is About Self-Care

When you are starting up your own business all your time and energy are focused on the business.  As part of personal development coaching I encourage the owner to schedule a vacation as he or she is starting the business.

Initially there is a great deal of resistance.  But, the self-employed owner is usually the most important asset in the business.  True self-care which brings happiness to the owner, his employees and clients cannot be achieved without a healthy perspective.

It is difficult to have a happy and healthy perspective when you feel that you are in bondage to the very thing you have created that is supposed to give you greater freedom and abundance.

Practice self-care and take a vacation.  Clarity can only be achieved when we walk away from our daily routines and being in the middle of the action.  Vacation brings clarity because you have time to reflect and evaluate, instead of react, to what is going on in your business and life.

And, when you come back from vacation your priorities will be in place. Vacation is good!  Take you and your business to the next level by making taking a vacation one of your disciplines.

When you are looking at the keys to personal and small business success one of the most overlooked is the vacation.  And, for the self-employed business owner, entrepreneur, solo professional or an individual who is extremely focused, the act of taking a vacation can be a challenge in itself.

Let’s take a look at the word “vacation”.  It comes from the word “vacate” which means in an every day sense, to leave an area.  Legally, vacate means to annul or void a legal decision.

Regardless when you go on vacation you are leaving or vacating your comfort zone.  Vacation is a decision to chuck your familiar routine and to get recharged by focusing your mind and energy on a new routine for the time you are away.

Vacation Is About Success

In business growth coaching one of the keys is to expand your business.  Running a small business or starting up your own business demands a lot of your focus and energy.  But, at some point you must step away to evaluate everything.  If you stay in the middle for a long period of time you become desensitized to your business, your processes and most importantly yourself.

I ask my clients to take a look around at people they consider to be successful.  I would say that most of the time the people that they mention have one thing in common.  They all take regular vacations.

One of the first keys to success is to make vacation a part of your business routine.

Vacation Is About Letting Go

Most self-employed business owners, who don’t take vacation once they are established, may run successful businesses but they are not full of enthusiasm and progress.  A large part of my personal business coaching practice has to do with being a personal growth coach.

The only way a business can grow is for the owner to let go of an old idea.  Personal growth coaching, which is a part of business coaching is about vacating old ideas and ways of doing things.  After all, the business will get no bigger or better than the owner’s personal growth in his thoughts and actions.

Only when the old idea is gone, may a new idea enter and become part of the process.  When the owner goes on vacation he is letting go of his routine and more importantly, trusting his employees to run his business.

This creates excitement for his employees.  How come?  There is nothing better for an employee to have an elevated level of trust.  Trust is the foundation of teamwork. If you want to have a better team, go on vacation.  Watch your employees rise to the occasion.  Usually the greatest fear is that somehow the business can’t survive without you.

If it can’t then you need to rethink what you are doing and how you are doing it.  Why?  You have created a job, not a business.

Vacation Improves The Process

As a personal business coach a major focus is on building a process in the small business.  This is a process that is written down to where it makes it easier to train people and hold them accountable.  When you have a process you can start working more on your business and less in your business.  And, you are now in a position to take a vacation.

Make it your goal to take a vacation.  When you do, an amazing thing happens.  You will accelerate the improvement in your processes and your business.  For the owner, vacation creates a sense of urgency to get everything in order.  Set a definite date for your vacation and punching your ticket to greater freedom and abundance.

Here’s the last way vacation improves the process.  As a business owner when you take a vacation you are modeling behavior for your employees and customers that says, “ I am important.  I am going to take care of myself.”

For your employees they will believe in you and your leadership even more.  They will see that you believe there is a balance to life.  And, when you take a vacation you should be sending a message to them that they too, will have a vacation, a break from the routine and to have a reward for their work.

Business and life are full of uncertainty.  And, for small business growth to take place you must have back up.  When looking at help for small business, having back up or a contingency plan is essential for success.

In business, the concept of backing up or having a contingency plan can mean many different things.  The first thing many think of is backing up the computer system.  Or, you could have an emergency back up system if the power fails.  Maybe back up comes in the form of an employee who can step in and do the job someone else was supposed to do.

Regardless, back up or the concept of backing up or having a plan b is crucial to having a successful business. As a small business owner in creating your own business or running it, the most important back up you can have is confidence in yourself.

That’s right.  You must have confidence in yourself and your abilities. Confidence is defined here as your innate belief in your ability to meet challenges and to solve problems.

Yet, somehow the self-talk of many business owners takes down their self-confidence.  When life or business deals you a setback where do you go?  If you don’t have confidence as your back up, you become timid and afraid.  You don’t act to solve problems or overcome challenges.

There is one universal truth to be taken from this. How you feel about yourself in your business will always determine how far you will go. The greatest help for small business resides inside you, the owner.

Small business success is truly an inside job.

You become stuck.  You may feel overwhelmed.  Think about the turtle.  He only makes progress when he sticks his neck out.  As a business owner, you must have the confidence to stick your neck out. And, to keep moving forward to solve problems and to grow you must continue to stick your neck out.

Unfortunately, too many business owners retreat into their shells.  It feels safe and secure.  Is it really safe and secure?  No.  Because the end result of staying in your shell is that it kills forward progress and growth.

How do you move beyond being stuck?  The best thing to build your confidence is to develop new skills or disciplines.  After all, small business growth will be no bigger than the size of your thinking, skills and disciplines.

What is the benefit of having more skills and disciplines?  You consistently put yourself in a position to overcome challenges and to grow your business and more importantly, have the life you desire.

How do you start?  Begin with something small that would help you or your business.  Start mastering some small, new disciplines or skills.  Business and life are going to throw you some pretty big challenges.  If you haven’t mastered handling the small challenges you won’t stand much of a chance with the bigger ones.

As you develop more skills and disciplines you are building your back up.  And, when you have more back up you have more confidence.  Now, when a new challenge comes along you are ready.

You are building your foundation for small business growth. More importantly, because you have built your back up, you have the confidence of knowing that you are ready to move beyond the challenge to have the business you desire.

What thoughts or stories do you have on backing up and small business growth?

In the previous post we learned that recognizing manipulative behavior and doing something about it is one of the keys to success.  In this post I am going to give you three other points about manipulative behavior that can help you in your success planning and take you to the personal and/or small business success you desire.

Keys To Success:  Recognizing the Chinese Water Torture Treatment

One of the major components of the manipulator is what I like to call the Chinese water torture treatment.  Years ago it was reported that the Chinese, to break a prisoner’s silence and to get information would allow water to drip on them constantly.

At some point, being no longer able to withstand the drip, drip, the victim would give in.  Negative manipulators practice the Chinese water torture treatment.  They believe if they ask enough or push their agenda enough….constantly repeating the question or request, just like water constantly dripping on you over and over again (reminds me of my children when they were young), that you will inevitably give in and give them what they want.

You can ask the individual what they don’t understand about the word “no.”  Sometimes that works.  You can also tell them that asking repeatedly isn’t going to change anything and that they are inappropriately overstepping boundaries…yours.

Keys To Success:  Dealing With Selective Memory

In coaching success and in personal business coaching this can be a huge frustration for the self-employed business owner, entrepreneur or solo professional.  Heck, it is frustrating for any individual.  But, when you are running a small business or starting your own business employees, contractors or vendors with selective memory can be a killer.

When dealing with people who have selective memory conversations that took place didn’t and events that took place never occurred.  What can you do?  One of the keys to success, and I personally do this, if at all possible you need to hit the delete button and get them out of your life.

Since that may not be possible or practical at the moment you are going to have to put in some extra work.  I will bring a pad of paper to any conversation.  I will write down the key points in what is being said.  I will follow up with an email of the points.  Sometimes I will even send a letter.  At times, with their permission, I record the conversation.

The only way to possibly gain the upper hand is to call them out with the facts with documentation and recording.  Needless to say, these people are an extreme pain.  They can’t be trusted.  Unfortunately, natural selection is not going to get rid of them.  You have to select to get rid of them.

Keys To Success:  Dealing With The Manipulative Behavior Of Bullying

This one is a close second to selective memory.  Manipulators, who bully, use intimidation and veiled threats to get their way.  Their goal is to get their way by making you pay in the currency of fear.  Fear that your good reputation is going to be tarnished.  Or, even that some type of other harm or evil, yet untrue information is going to be disseminated about you.

They will do whatever they can to make you look bad or feel bad.  With them it is not about “what’s right.”  It’s only about “who’s right”.  And, “who’s right?” It is always them.

How to deal with them?  You can tell them that their bullying tactics are inappropriate and unacceptable.  If that doesn’t work it is time to either delete them from your life or, if you can’t do that, delete yourself from them.

In summary, there are five behaviors of negatively manipulative people.  They are buttering you up, guilt, the Chinese water torture treatment, selective memory and bullying.

As you strive toward greater personal development and small business success and growth recognize these behaviors and know what to do about them.  Your keys to success are in who you hang with, and more importantly, what you do about them.

Knowing who you are hanging with is a critical element in the keys to success.  The power and influence of your associations is an awesome power.  Here is a key in your success planning.  Don’t ask yourself who your friends and regular acquaintances are.  Ask yourself, what do they have you becoming?

Wouldn’t it be a shame if you became the opinion of what someone else thinks you should be?  Unfortunately in my personal business coaching practice one of the things we have to recognize and deal with are associations that are, in a word, unhealthy.

Whether you are an individual, self-employed business owner, entrepreneur or solo professional, the heights that you will be able to reach in your business and life will be determined in large part by your associations.

Personal success, small business growth or small business success will be short lived, if experienced at all, when you hang with the wrong people.  Here are some things to look for in people that you may want to limit or avoid completely

Keys To Success:  How To Deal With Manipulative Behavior

First things first every relationship is a manipulation.  Manipulation isn’t a bad thing in and of itself.  But, all of us have been made uncomfortable by people who manipulate in a negative way.

Keys To Success:  Who’s Buttering You Up?

In coaching success I help make the business owner aware of people who may be practicing negative manipulation.  Here’s how it can work.  A person in your company comes up to you and pays you a compliment.  They may tell you how wonderful you are or that you are doing a great job.

You’re feeling pretty good.  Then they hit you with a request that is not right or uncomfortable.  Since they have made you feel good they know that it is much harder for you to say “No.”  You may feel guilty about hurting their feelings.  You may be angry.

Regardless, you have to make a choice.  One way to handle it is to give them a compliment and then at the end say “no.”  That makes it much softer and easier.  You are using their game of manipulation against them.

Keys To Success:   How To Deal With Guilt

Guilt:  This doesn’t only pertain to children, parents or mother-in-laws.  Guilt has been a successful manipulation tactic for centuries.  Whether you are an individual or a business owner starting your own business or running a small business you need to take a sword to guilt when it shows up.

The guilt strategy demands that the victim succumb to the manipulator’s demands because they feel they HAVE to, not because they WANT to.  When this comes up, ask the individual if they want you to do something because you have to or because you want to.  If they say they want you to want to do it, tell them that you don’t and that they are truing to force you into something you don’t feel comfortable with.

In the next post, I will give you some more thoughts on the keys to success in terms of who you are hanging with.  For now, start recognizing manipulative behavior.  Who is buttering you up?  Who is trying to put you on a guilt trip?

Your keys to success and successfully using them are in the power and influence of your associations.